The Empty Box of "Blood & Chocolate"

Blood & Chocolate (the relevance of the film's name to the plot, remains a mystery) could pass off as the work of some amateur director (unfortunately) teamed up with a 'zero' acting skills cast or maybe everyone was just going through a non-creative phase during the entire filming of the film. I have been much more satisfied after sitting through sloppy B grade Bollywood flicks, mainly because I didn't expect anything better from them.

The story is simple, too simple infact. There are no sudden thrills or twists or turns. The only way the movie could be more 'dead' than it already is, would be if a dead person were to narrate the script to us.

Vivian (Agnes Bruckner) is a werewolf, whose parents were murdered by hunters in America when she was a little girl. Ever since, she has lived with her Aunt Astrid and 'trouble maker' cousin Rafe (Bryan Dick) in Romania. The pack leader of the loup-garou - Gabriel (Oliver Martinez), must pick a new 'bride' for himself every seven years. His previous bride is Astrid, but now he has his eyes set on Vivian. Vivian, however, falls in love with a young cartoonist Aiden (Hugh Dancy), who has had a bad past himself. As time passes by, Vivian's secrets begin to get revealed to Aiden through a series of accidents, one being a fight between Aiden and Rafe, which results in Rafe's death. Vivian must now choose between love and her pack.

Agnes and Hugh share no on screen chemistry whatsoever. Facial expressions and emotional display easily slide into negative counts. Oliver is pretty convincing in the first half, but he gets sloppy by the time the film ends. Each actor drags on his own stereotype character with stereotype actions and reactions to a stereotype script with stereotype dialogues.

The transformations from man to wolf are fairytale-ish (in a dull way). There is no passion or hate seen in the eyes of a mother who has just lost her son, even when his killer stands before her. The pack leader is supposed to have a bruised ego, but puts on a calm cool (annoying constant) exterior, making a convincing mafia leader instead. Rafe's friends show no spirit of vengeance for their friend's death. Overall, there is nothing "raw, rough & animalistic" about the film, besides the real wolves, that is..

The beginning is the sweetest part of the movie. The last line is satisfactory.
The entire experience leaves you wondering whether you saw a movie, or whether someone read you a boring story real fast. The movie zips past and I sat staring at the screen straight faced, hoping something interesting would spring up.

Conclusion:
Well.. I'm still waiting and the credits are almost done...

Rating:
3.2 / 10

Celebrity Nonsense

Angelina Jolie recently announced that Brad Pitt is yet to confess his love for her.. Apparently, they're afraid to speak about their feelings, lest they get too sentimental..
(That must have something to do with make-up issues)

Let me get this straight,
- You have a kid (daughter named Shiloh)
- You adopt three more (Maddox Chivan, Zahara Marley and Pax Thien)
And yet, those three magic words seem far, far away...

Things usually work the other way round, from where I come...

The Epic Disaster

All those who have been victims of Jason Friedberg's 89 minute "Epic Movie", will know exactly what I'm talking about. Four orphans are carelessly thrown into "not so funny" situations, with cheap goofy slapstick jokes.

The entire cast, besides Faune Chambers, has delivered the story with such painful lack of emotion, that it darn near breaks your heart. Jayma Mays has a blank lost look on her face throughout the film, which in no way, helps portray the stupidity of her character.

The entire movie reminds you of a badly put together school play, you would never want anyone to see. Characters from different hit films have been flung in and out, for no apparent reason.

A drunk Mel Gibson is a no show. I didn't even realize he was Mel Gibson until the 'bloopers' part, shown with the credits.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, the Harry Potter film series, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, X-Men: The Last Stand, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Nacho Libre, Snakes on a Plane, Talladega Nights, Casino Royale, The Da Vinci Code, Mission Impossible 3, Superman Returns, the Star Wars series, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, Shrek, Click, and Borat have been smashed together into an ugly pumpkin pie, which is almost unbearable to digest.

The end is so abrupt, that you don't even have the time or the brain power to actually realize its over. Its like being hit by a nuclear bomb, one moment you're watching a bunch of confused chickens running all over my computer screen, and the next moment - they're gone...


The only part of the movie I loved was the tag line:
We Know It's Big. We Measured.

Thank You for Smoking

Great movie concepts come up everyday, but only a few of these actually succeed.
What makes a great idea suceed? Putting it in the right hands, giving it to the right people. Can you imagine Amrish Puri doing Gabbar Singh, or anyone besides Tom Cruise doing Vincent in Collateral? These are the people that make the film, they make the character and the concept a box office hit.





One such masterpiece is "Thank you for smoking". This film released in 2006, directed by Jason Reitman, is based on a novel written by Christopher Buckley (I didn't know their names, but I suppose this is where Wikipedia is supposed to come in handy). The story revolves around a man by the name of Nick Naylor, who is the Vice President of the Academy of Tobacco Studies, but refers to himself as a lobbyist who defends big "helpless" corporation houses. Thanks to his gift of a "half dead conscience" and "flexible morals" he manages to twist every arguement in his favour.

But thats not my point. Nick Naylor isn't potrayed as a hero in the film. Infact, he is a bad guy to a certain extent. At one point in the film, his whole world comes crashing down on him, when a press reporter empties his whole bag of "well kept secrets" onto the newspaper. At that moment, I wanted to shut down my PC and go to sleep, because I'm sick of watching those 'moral of the story' type movies where the good always wins and the bad guy is seen begging or washing dishes in some filthy road side restaurant (as if that really happens in real life). But I kept watching it anyway, and believe me, I didn't regret it.

This man who is Vice President one day, ends up unemployed the next, but he still manages to get back to his feet and get going. The movie is not about tabacco, its not about right and wrong, its not about the bad winning in the end. The whole concept is about using your talent to the fullest even when you feel like you are trapped in a big bog of rotten egg yolks. If you ever have one hour and thirty two minutes to spare, you should definetly catch this one. Its not some boring corporate house nonsense that goes over 90% of the viewers heads. I can gurantee a big smile on your face at the end.

My favorite dialogue:
(Nick to his ex-wife's boyfriend) I'm his father, and you're the guy fucking his mom.

Cool stuff about the movie:
There isn't a single "smoking" scene throughout the entire movie.

The Reel

I'm not a movie person. As a matter of fact, I hate movies, especially the ones they churn out in dozens in Bollywood every week. Even though Hollywood is way ahead of us, I wouldn't praise them too much either. I mean, whom did Bollywood learn to dance around trees from?

Somewhere down the line, they all use the same ingredients and the same recipe for every story that goes on reel. I won't blame them, creativity in today's world is as much in danger, as the ozone layer. But I've been watching a few of these "wonderful creations" off late, and I think some of them definetely deserve to be written about.